Two wives go out for girls’ night.Both got drunk, started walking home and had to pee.
They stopped at a cemetery but had nothing to wipe with.
One used her panties, the other grabbed a wreath off of a grave.
The next morning one husband called the other and said, ‘no more girls night out!
My wife came back with no panties.’ The other husband said, ‘you think that’s bad?
Mine came back with a card in her crack that read, “from all of us at the fire station, we’ll never forget you!”‘”
2nd joke: The first nun goes into the confessional
Four nuns are standing in line for confession.
The first nun goes into the confessional and says bless me father for I have sinned I touched a mans private parts.
The priest asks, “What part of your body did you use?”
The nun replies, “My right hand.”
The priest tells her to dip her right hand in holy water say 10 hail Mary’s and all will be forgiven.
The second nun goes into the confessional and says, “Bless me father for I have sinned I touched a mans private parts.”
The priest asks, “What part of your body did you use?”
The nun replies, “My left hand.”
The priest tells her to dip her left hand in the holy water say 10 hail Mary’s and all will be forgiven.
Well, this leaves the third and fourth nun standing in line.
The fourth nun taps the third nun on the shoulder and asks, “Would you mind if I went first?”
The third nun says, “Sure I don’t care, but would mind telling me why?”
The fourth nun replies, “Well, I would like to drink the water before you have to sit in it!
Loved this ? Here are few more jokes like this :
Joke 1: The Martial Arts Nun
At retreat, one nun announced, “I’ve started taking self-defense classes.” When asked what style she practices, she replied, “Nun-chucks!”
Commentary:
A playful pun on “nunchucks” (the martial arts weapon), this joke pokes fun at the idea of a nun mixing spirituality with a bit of unexpected martial prowess.
Joke 2: Hair Raising Habits
A visitor at the convent asked, “What do you do when your hair is a mess?” Sister Mary replied, “I simply style my habit!”
Commentary:
This joke spins a pun on the word “habit”—referring both to a nun’s clothing and a habitual way of fixing her hair.
Joke 3: Heavenly Speed
While driving together, one nun asked the other, “How do you drive so fast?” The reply was, “I’m always in a hurry to get to Mass!”
Commentary:
A light joke that ties the idea of speed with the urgency of heading to a religious service—all in good humor.
Joke 4: Cookie Confession
At convent bake sale time, a nun whispered, “I might have had one too many cookies.” Her sister replied, “Don’t worry, we all have a few ‘holy’ indulgences!”
Commentary:
A fun nod to the idea that even the most devout have their little guilty pleasures—here, a playful twist on “holy” treats.
Joke 5: Celestial Cafeteria
A novice nun asked, “What do you call a cafeteria in a convent?” The elder replied, “The soup-erior dining hall!”
Commentary:
A pun on “superior” with a twist on soup, connecting everyday nourishment with a heavenly pun.
Joke 6: Prayerful Pick-Up Lines
At a church social, a nun told her friend, “I met a handsome priest, and he said, ‘You must be an angel because your halo is shining!’”
Commentary:
Although playful, the joke takes a light-hearted jab at the idea of divine compliments in a religious setting.
Joke 7: Celibacy Struggles
One nun sighed and said to another, “Sometimes I wish I could go on a date.” The friend replied, “Our schedules are packed with Holy Orders!”
Commentary:
This joke mixes the double meaning of “orders” (religious and a restaurant’s orders) to gently tease the challenges of balancing commitment and personal life.
Joke 8: The Confession Stand-Up
A nun tried stand-up comedy at a retreat and quipped, “I told the confessor I have a split personality—and he said, ‘I’ll see you twice a week!’”
Commentary:
A playfully self-deprecating joke that envisions a nun turning her regular confessions into a humorous routine.
Joke 9: Sisterly Boots
A group of nuns went on a hike, and one commented, “These boots are really designed for long walks on holy ground.”
Commentary:
This joke spins the idea of boots built for walking—a familiar line turned gentle and fun with a religious twist.
Joke 10: Choir Complaints
During choir practice, one nun complained, “I can’t hit the high notes!” Her friend replied, “Maybe you need a little more heavenly inspiration!”
Commentary:
A light jab at the challenges of choir practice, mixing practical musical advice with a celestial pun.
Joke 11: The Celestial Cell Phone
At a modern convent meeting, Sister Agnes said, “I just got a cell phone, but I can’t find a signal!” Another replied, “Maybe try calling Heaven—I’ve heard they have the best reception!”
Commentary:
A humorous twist on modern technology mixed with an age-old concept of communication with the divine.
Joke 12: Nun-Fashion Forward
A nun was complimented on her habit and replied, “Oh, this old thing? It’s my runway uniform—fashionably devout!”
Commentary:
This joke blends the worlds of religious attire and high fashion, with the nun proudly claiming her look as both stylish and respectful.
Joke 13: Holy Wi-Fi
One nun remarked, “I wish our chapel had Wi-Fi so I could stream my daily prayers!” Her friend replied, “That’s divine—prayer downloads at the speed of light!”
Commentary:
A modern twist combining the spiritual with technology—imagining a chapel equipped with the miracle of fast internet.
Joke 14: Garden of Grace
At the convent garden, a nun said, “I planted these flowers as an offering.” Her sister quipped, “I hope they come with a holy bouquet guarantee!”
Commentary:
A pun based on the idea of “guarantee” and bouquets, linking the nurturing of nature with religious dedication.
Joke 15: Baking Blessings
In the convent kitchen, one nun declared, “These cookies are so delicious, they’re practically miraculous!”
Her friend replied, “I always say, a little bit of sugar is the sweetest form of divine intervention.”
Commentary:
A playful reflection on how everyday baking can be celebrated as a small miracle in the quiet world of a convent.
