When Eric insisted on paying for our first date, I thought I had met a true gentleman. He arrived with a bouquet of roses, a sweet little gift, and charming conversation that seemed to flow effortlessly. Every romantic comedy cliché was unfolding before my eyes. I could already hear my best friend, Mia, smugly telling me, “I told you so.” She had set this up, after all.
I had my doubts when she first suggested it. “Come on, Kelly, just trust me. Eric is such a gentleman. You’ll love him,” she had gushed over the phone while I rifled through my closet, trying to decide what to wear.
“You’ve never set me up before,” I pointed out. “What makes you think you know my type?”
Mia was undeterred. “Because I know you better than anyone! And besides, Chris vouches for him too. They’ve been friends for ages.”
That gave me pause. Chris, Mia’s boyfriend, was a great judge of character. He wasn’t the type to hype someone up unless he really meant it. If he thought Eric was decent, then maybe I should give this a chance.
“Fine,” I sighed. “Show me a picture at least.”
Seconds later, my phone pinged. I opened the message, scanning the image with curiosity. Eric was clean-cut, well-dressed, and had a warm smile. Not bad.
“Okay,” I admitted. “He’s cute.”
Mia squealed in triumph. “Text him! Set it up! You won’t regret it.”
So, after a few casual texts, I agreed to meet Eric for dinner at a new Italian restaurant by the river—fancy, but not intimidatingly so. The kind of place where first dates could go either way: romantic success or awkward disaster.
I arrived five minutes early, standing near the entrance while nervously checking my reflection in my phone camera. That’s when I spotted him. My pulse quickened a little. He looked just as he did in his picture—attractive in a polished, business-casual way. But what I hadn’t expected was the bouquet of roses in his hand.
Not cheap grocery store flowers, either. These were from an actual florist, tied with a ribbon.
“You must be Kelly,” he said with that same warm smile. “These are for you.”
“Wow, thank you,” I said, pleasantly surprised. “You didn’t have to do that.”
“I figured I’d start the night off right,” he replied smoothly.
But that wasn’t all.
From his jacket pocket, he pulled out a small gift box tied with a neat cyan bow.
“What’s this?” I asked, raising an eyebrow.
“Just a little something. Open it,” he encouraged.
Inside was a sleek silver keychain with the letter “K” engraved on it. Subtle, personalized, and honestly kind of thoughtful.
“I asked Mia what you might like,” he added.
At this point, I was impressed. Flowers and a gift on a first date? Either he was genuinely thoughtful, or he was the king of first impressions. Either way, I wasn’t complaining.
“This is really nice of you,” I said sincerely. “Thank you.”
Eric continued his gentlemanly act throughout the night. He pulled out my chair, maintained eye contact, and listened intently when I talked about my work as a graphic designer. He even remembered little details from our texts—about my favorite books, my weekend hobbies, even a passing comment I had made about my brother’s dog.
“So, what made you agree to this setup?” he asked after we placed our orders.
“Mia can be very persuasive,” I admitted with a laugh. “And Chris vouched for you, which is rare.”
“Chris and I go way back,” Eric said. “Met in college. He’s always been a stand-up guy.”
The conversation flowed smoothly after that. We discovered a mutual interest in true crime podcasts and our shared fascination with documentaries about strange subcultures. He told amusing stories about his job as a marketing manager, and I caught myself thinking, this might be the best first date I’ve ever had.
Then the check came.
I reached for my purse out of habit.
“Absolutely not,” Eric said firmly, slapping his card down before I could even unzip my bag. “A man always pays on the first date.”
The tone surprised me. It wasn’t just polite—it was final, like an unbreakable rule of law.
I hesitated for half a second, then shrugged. “Okay, if you insist. Thank you.”
We walked out together, and he asked if he could call me soon.
“I’d like that,” I replied—and meant it.
He gave me a friendly-but-interested hug, and I drove home thinking that this was one of the most amazing first dates I’d ever had.
Then came the text message.
I woke up the next morning to a notification from Eric. My sleepy brain expected something cute like, Had a great time last night. Instead, there was an attachment.
Curious, I opened it.
It was an invoice.
A professionally formatted, detailed invoice.
At the top, in bold, official-looking font:
DATE NIGHT INVOICE – AMOUNT DUE: 1 OUTSTANDING BALANCE.
Underneath, a breakdown of “services rendered” with corresponding “charges.”
At first, I thought it was a joke. Some weird attempt at humor that wasn’t quite landing. But as I read through it, my morning coffee nearly came back up.
The “charges” were ridiculous.
- Bouquet of Roses: 1 hug
- Custom Keychain Gift: 1 coffee date (scheduled within one week)
- Opening Car Door: A cute selfie together
- Pulling Out Chair: Holding hands on the next date
- Engaging Conversation & Active Listening: A compliment about my looks
- Full Dinner + Tip Covered: A second date, no excuses
And then, the kicker.
At the bottom, in bold text:
PAYMENT IS EXPECTED IN FULL. FAILURE TO COMPLY MAY RESULT IN OUTSTANDING BALANCE BEING SENT TO COLLECTIONS (CHRIS WILL HEAR ABOUT IT).
Looking forward to your prompt payment!
My jaw hit the floor.
This man had seriously sent me a transactional list of expected romantic repayment.
I screenshot the invoice and immediately sent it to Mia.
Her response was instant.
“OH. MY. GOD. I’M SHOWING THIS TO CHRIS RIGHT NOW.”
Five minutes later, my phone rang. It was Chris—howling with laughter.
“Kelly,” he gasped between wheezes, “I cannot believe this. I’ve known this dude for years and never—not once—did I think he’d pull something this insane.”
“So… this isn’t a joke?” I asked.
“No way,” Chris said. “Eric’s always been intense about dating, but this? Next level. Okay, we need to get back at him.”
Chris was the mastermind of pettiness. Instead of just roasting Eric in their friend group, he took it up a notch.
An hour later, he sent me his own invoice.
- Introducing You to a Gorgeous Woman: 1 permanent block on all platforms
- Convincing Her You Were a Gentleman: A deep, personal reflection on why you’re single
- Letting You Sit at the Same Table as Her: A formal apology to all women you’ve dated before
- Not Exposing You to the Entire Internet: A generous gift you should be grateful for
PAYMENT IS DUE IMMEDIATELY. FAILURE TO COMPLY MAY RESULT IN PUBLIC HUMILIATION. CHEERS!
I laughed so hard I cried.
Chris immediately forwarded it to Eric.
Minutes later, my phone lit up with angry texts.
- “Wow, really mature.”
- “I was just setting realistic expectations; not everyone is rich.”
- “Chris is a terrible friend.”
- “You just missed out on a great guy.”
I sent him a single thumbs-up emoji and blocked his number.
That was the last I ever heard from Eric.
But that keychain? I kept it. Not because it reminded me of Eric, but because it was a hilarious souvenir from the weirdest date of my life.
