Johnny looked pale as he leaned toward one of his friends and lowered his voice.
“Man, I’m scared,” he whispered. “I got a letter today from some guy who said he’d break my legs if I didn’t stop seeing his wife.”
His friend raised an eyebrow. “Well, that seems pretty straightforward,” he said. “Guess you’ll have to stop seeing his wife.”
Johnny shook his head miserably. “Easy for you to say.”
His friend smirked. “What, you like her that much?”
“That’s not the problem,” Johnny snapped. “The problem is… he didn’t sign his name.”
The Cat with a Better Sense of Direction
A man’s wife brought home a cat one day, and from the very beginning, the man couldn’t stand it. The cat shed everywhere, stared at him judgmentally, and somehow always seemed to be underfoot.
So one morning, after his wife left for work, the man scooped up the cat, tossed it into the back seat of his car, drove a few blocks away, and let it out.
Feeling victorious, he headed home.
When he pulled into the driveway, the cat was sitting calmly on the front porch.
Annoyed but undeterred, the next day he waited until his wife left again. This time, he drove a full mile away before dumping the cat on the side of the road.
Once again, when he got home, there was the cat—right on the porch, grooming itself.
Now furious, the man waited until the third day. He threw the cat in the car and drove as far and as fast as he could, zigzagging through streets, making sharp turns, doubling back—doing everything possible to confuse the animal. Finally, he dumped the cat out and sped away.
A while later, the wife came home to a ringing phone. She picked it up.
“Hello?”
It was her husband. “Is the cat there?” he asked nervously.
She looked down. “Yes,” she said. “Why?”
There was a pause, then he replied, “I’m lost. Put the cat on the phone.”
Payday Consequences
A man was sitting at a bar with his buddies, proudly recounting the events of the previous week.
“It was payday last Friday,” he began, “so I decided to go out for a couple of drinks.”
Of course, a couple of drinks turned into a long night, which turned into a long weekend. He finally staggered home late Sunday night, fully prepared to face his wife’s fury.
“She wasn’t exactly thrilled that I disappeared for the whole weekend,” he admitted.
“What did she say?” one of his friends asked.
“Oh, she nagged nonstop,” he said. “Then she asked me how I’d like it if I didn’t see her for two or three days.”
The group leaned in. “And what did you say?”
“I told her it’d be just fine by me.”
“So… did she leave?” someone asked.
He shook his head. “Nope. She stayed.”
Then he sighed and added, “But the joke’s on her. On the third day, my left eye finally opened a little.”
Hope these gave you a good laugh 😄
